I am sure if I post this on my Facebook or Twitter feed many people will be turned off just because I had “Sex!” as the title of my blog post. However, it is a topic that needs to be talked about. I struggle talking about sex because I don’t know if I am pure enough. I mean in all honesty I am someone who isn’t too happy with the way I have dealt with the subject in my own life. I was brought up in a conservative Christian environment that preached about sexual sin being the worst kind of sin a human could commit. I think my pastor felt like it was his job to scare us into absence until marriage. I even had some messages suggest we shouldn’t kiss until marriage. Imagine my guilt when I began struggling with sexual urges. How could I tell someone I was struggling with masturbation if they considered the simple act of kissing questionable?
There has been a big difference between my experiences in the Christian community and experiences in the secular world with regard to sex. The Christian community thinks sex should not be an option unless you are hitched. Boatloads of messages were all about keeping clean until marriage. Heck, my youth group had purity month every year in which they worked tirelessly to scare us away from sex. It was suggested woman needed to keep themselves dressed properly so not to attract men. This usually meant no short skirts, no makeup, and no wrong looks igniting men’s impure desires. Men had it a bit easier. We were told to resist the temptation and make sure to be in groups when interacting with the opposite sex. This brings me to one of the key problems with the Christian communities view on sex. No matter how politically correct they try to be, the bottom line is sexual corruption is usually blamed on the woman.
When my friends point out to me our society’s nosedive into impurity the core problem usually revolves around the woman. The women are committing abortions, going into prostitution, and over sexualizing the media and entertainment industry. For example, look all the hoopla surrounding Miley Syrus. I have seen several posts about her since her MTV performance a few days ago. Most of the posts talk about how sorry the Christian community feels for her and how they are hurt by Miley’s poor example in front of the youth. However, none of the ones I have read so far say anything about the man who was singing and dancing alongside Miley. You know, the much older man who was singing “Let me liberate you” and “You know I want it” while Miley danced all over him?
Think about the people who benefit the most from abortion, prostitution, and the porn industry. It’s not the women who get the most money out of those areas; it’s the doctors, pimps, and producers. Why don’t the other participants get as bad of a rap? Why aren’t I seeing negative articles about them posted on Facebook or Twitter? Don’t think for a second it’s the women who create the demand for sex in the media today.
The problem is both the Christian and secular community treat women as objects not people. Christians feel women are objects to be shamed and shunned. The secular world treats women as objects to be used for their own desire. I can’t understand the philosophy that goes into thinking sex doesn’t have consequences, thinking our minds are not affected by sexual imagery, and thinking intercourse does not impact us emotionally. When we indulge in something that makes us think it’s perfectly okay to look at someone’s boob size or curves before their personality and opinions, something is very wrong.
Now I am not saying you need to wait until marriage for sex. I am frankly not willing to make that judgment for you. Personally I believe too many people go into marriage in order to feel good about having sex. However, I don’t think it is possible to look at women as intelligent human beings while we scream for them to take off more cloths in strip bars or masturbate while watching them having sex on our computer screens.
The greatest problem is we don’t deal with the real issues. Christians think it is good enough just to tell us God is against sex before marriage. The secular world thinks protection and abortion rights will solve everything. But, these attitudesavoid the issues. They don’t deal with them. Both the Christian and secular mindsets needs to change. We need to stop believing in the lie that marriage stops people from being harmed by sex. We need to stop thinking sex is “just sex” and it doesn’t have an impact on relationship.
The bottom line is sex must not be a selfish thing. We must be willing see what it is communicating. Sex cannot be a resource for selfish indulgence. It cannot be a means of manipulation. Sex must be an extension of relationship, a symbol of love, not one-way desire or control. There is a difference. We will continue to see prostitution, divorce and gender inequality until we as a society figure out the difference.